Life Is........

Well, to be honest that tittle kinda freaks me out. Haha.
But actually, life is unexpectedly beautiful. You just never know because you're too busy "exploring" it.
Yes, there's highs and lows but that's what make it special.
To make it more sense, I'm gonna share with you my dirty little secret.

Once upon a time... Haha.. Just kidding!

For the past 2 years, I've been killing myself with exam. It's not a normal exam. It's STPM. Its stands for Sijil Tinggi Pengajian Malaysia. It has its own rating for being one of the toughest exams in the WORLD! I took the exam because of my parents. To them, it was a huge "platform" for me and my future. I know right-cliche!
However, I'm their daughter and I respect their opinion. And yeah, their wish came true. BRAVO!!

On the other hand, my passion was singing (STILL IS). I pour my heart and soul when it comes to singing. I write my own lyrics but I never created a song because I don't play *instruments.  It wasn't something that people proud of or make them go --> "Wow, she's great!' "
* I do play drum and piano but I'm not that pro.

So when things changed, I was devastated! It was hurtful. It hurts more than a relationship break ups. I get to know few amazing people but its still 'High School'. you never have "exception" when you're in high school. I do get bullied, ostracized,etc.

It felt exactly the same when I was in Form 1-5 and I have to say, I'm sick of playing "stupid games". And that's when I decided to rebel around. I started skipping school, classes, wasting money, making excuses for EVERYTHING. It was pathetic!

I blamed my parents if anyone asked me why am I not taking this seriously. I didn't even take a second to think, I just go and and blamed them all the way. Even though, it felt so so good when my friends can relate to that, that awesomeness that I felt was just temporary. I always wonder why that in the end of the day, it hurts me like crazy.

I tried my best to acknowledge my pain so I decided to go to school counseling. But it didnt work out either. My teachers started to sign me up for any motivation talk that the school held but still that "rebel" was still there. Sometimes I can just sit somewhere alone and people thought I'm being "weird" when actually I'm just trying to figured it out.

As time slowly swept away, I realized that I was near to STPM. So ofcourse, my class 6PUM held a small farewell party to thanks our teachers. At that moment, I went blank/empty, anything you describe a feeling of not feeling anything at all.
The party went awesome but I didn't enjoy it.

I wasn't getting bullied anymore. The teachers wasn't giving me any attention/advices anymore. Just like I wanted  it to be. Just free.

So, STPM came and walk by. I did my best.

When the results was out, I wasn't shocked I scored as what I deserved. I get what I deserved. It will be a total lie if I said I was happy. Because I wasn't.

I give myself a moment to think. This was never my parent's  fault. It was mine. I was given a chance to give a shot but I was just too ego/arrogant to care. I thought I had everything in my hand. I thought this world would go the way I wanted. I thought when I "fail", my parents realized that it's their fault. Well, you know what guys...... It didn't. It was mine and only me to blamed.

I want to thank my lovely parents, my bubbly classmates, my wonderful teachers and my beautiful school.

The End. Haha. So yeah, that's My Story. My Confessions. My Highs & Lows.

Life is a massive,blank canvas, you are the brush, your highs and lows are the colours. It's unlimited. It's a mystery waiting to be revealed.  You can paint it anyway. Its your life and it's up to you. In life,  you'll always be given a chance/choice to do something great. But it wont be great, if you choose not to.

Even though, I kinda "kantoi" in my STPM. Im thankful for all the lessons. And it taught me to be grateful for every opportunity that might come and be prepared for a crazy ride!

Remember peeps, everything that happens has its own reasons. You just have to be brave enough to see it. Oh yes, life is beautiful ;)

xoxo

 *I apologise for any grammar mistakes. :P